Something About Unrequited Love

Posted by Lhezs On Tuesday, January 4, 2011 | 6 Comments »

"This is somewhat an emo-ish and childlike kind of post. If you want to read crap, then read further. Remember, you have been warned" — Lhezs :)

2011, so far, has been very good to me. Although school had just came back, seeing my beloved crazy friends had been very much rewarding. However, welcoming the day with exhausting piles of schoolwork and rigorous teachers— not even close.

Since mentioning something about 'unwanted' occurrences. Let me tell you about this thing we'll call under the name Xin Hong [it's he's given Chinese name, in which could coincidentally mean 'Heart Bomber' if put in a different character. Totally fits]. He's a guy (a senior) who I've been liking since God-knows-when. The fact that I called it him a thing is because he's just as cold, heartless and numb as any rock would get. The moment you will look at him, he will already bewitch you with his bland yet innocent smile like THIS [click and it'll open in a new tab] He just made me die for a second. That's just cruel right? Well... no. I'm just overreacting. But yes, he can be as cute as Yukito.

Seriously speaking, the actual reason why I called him a thing is because he seems so unconscious and unmindful of his surroundings that I actually feel lost in the scene when he's around. He doesn't mind. I am just a blurred background. Invisible and unnoticeable to his eyes.

"And I just want show you, she don't even know you. She's never gonna love you like I want to. And you just see right through me but if you only knew me. We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable. Instead of just invisible"Invisible by T. Swift

On the side note, why would I blame him for all the things I never had the urge to care about? Is it his fault that he doesn't notice a weird looking creature looking from afar and telling herself "I want to talk to you... but, I just can't" Stupid right? I know *facepalm* Mr. Courage doesn't seem to like me. Explains how he doesn't come to me very often. I've always wanted him to visit me some time around, but he just doesn't seem to appear when I badly need him.

"We all have secrets"— yes, the girl holding the book on the left wrote it wide and clear. I have lots of mine and this is just one. Did I just mentioned earlier that I've been liking him since 'God-knows-when'? Yes? then, make it 3 years in exact. 3 years of hiding, and 3 years of sufferings and pain. All of those time, I've never got the guts to walk and talk to him. Never. Ever.

Seems like I'm really good in keeping secrets, and making myself dumb... not! (except for the second part) For my diary-slash-journal-slash-planner-slash-doodle book knows it all. Oh yeah it does. I've been pouring all my deepest secrets and feelings on it for years. Just like a childish school girl. I was amazed on how many those 'deepest secrets and feelings' are, that my diary-slash-journal-slash... okay just notebook— turned out to be Bible thick. You can even mistake it as the big old dictionary from the public library. What a crybaby.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter
and those who matter don’t mind”— Dr. Seuss

I don't know what to do now for I'm getting sick of this over and over again. This drama queen stage I'm in is just pure ass-pain and I don't wanna be in it anymore. The more I see him, the more I realize he's just an impossible dream. Perhaps, the only thing worth doing is cherish the few moments left that I'll be able to see him. After his high school graduation this coming April, he will be leaving to China to get his college degree. Sad, but quite expected for the eldest son in the family (No, I didn't stalk and looked information about him. So don't look at me) Maybe when I get to college, I'll be able to follow him there (darn, Guangzhou is so far from Tianjin. Airfare = bankrupt) but it's IF I'll be able to see him there. That's the big question. I guess, we aren't just meant to be. I feel hopeless now even though somehow I still believe in Once upon a times... and Happily ever afters. Not everyone is lucky to have a Cinderella story of their own. And I guess, I'm one of those unlucky ones.

"Don't wait for something to happen, make it happen.
If it works out its meant to be, if it doesn’t just let it go"

And it all boils down to this:  Loving someone who doesn’t love you in return is like expressing how you feel to a wall: a complete waste of time. So the final verdict is: Love those people you love, but love those people who love you back more. There is more to life than a stupid unrequited love. There are your family, friends. Those people who are always there after all the tears, heartaches and stupidness you've had. Why waste such a perfectly good YOU for someone who doesn't deserve you at all?

However keep in mind: 
Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured.

This post is just so cheesy isn't it? Well, I hope you weren't bored in reading this crappy entry of mine, but on first basis you didn't even have to read this far. Although, I thank you million for that :)